Light is the first thing I notice. It filters through my closed eyelids and brightens up the fog of sleep shrouding me. Inch by inch the fog becomes thinner and I become acutely aware of a sharp pain in my neck and the noise of someone shuffling into the room. My heart leaps from it’s resting state to overdrive. I blink against the light and wince at the ache of trying to lift my head.

How did I get here?

My fingertips brush against a cool smooth surface. My knees are cinched up and my chin is slumped against my chest. The way my neck is crooked down and to the right explains the neck and head ache.

The previous nights events come flooding in and I suppress a groan. Some things you just don’t want to remember.

Maybe I could just go back to sleep…

The sound of running water makes me realize how utterly thirsty I am…wait that’s not running water.

“Hey!” I croak and slap the frosted glass to my right. I hear a grunt of disapproval. The running water stops and the glass door shielding me from the world slides open.

“Ty, what in the hell are you doing in the bathtub?” A sleepy voice looms over me, and then a loud yawn.

“Taking a bath,” I gesture to the empty bathtub and my fully clothed body after suppressing my own yawn.

“You fell asleep in the bathtub…” Josh, one of my closest friends, is looking down at me with blinking confusion.

“Yes,” I state and run my hand through my long tangled hair as I yawn.

“Something is wrong with you.” Josh shakes his thin face and takes a seat on the closed toilet. “You want to tell me why you are in the bathtub?”

“No,” I roll my eyes and pull the shower door closed.

“Hey,” The door is pulled back open in time for me to see Matthew, my other roommate, walk in rubbing the sleep out of his blue eyes.

“Ty is in the bathtub, again.” Josh announces to Matthew once his eyes are open.

“Why?” Matthew looks over at me as he turns on the water to the sink and pulls out clear retainers to rinse away the night saliva. Matthew is the only adult I know that still wears his retainers, and his teeth are perfect for them.

“Because I was tired.” I slide lower into the tub and try to roll over. I just want to go back to sleep.

“I think something is wrong with her.” Josh says to Matthew. Matthew looks over at me with concern.

“Whats wrong with you?” Matthew asks.

“Nothing,” I shrug, or rather try to shrug. But the way my shoulders are pressed against the ceramic turns the shrug into an awkward jerk.

“What’s going on in here? Why wasn’t I invited?” A third voice says from the bathroom door and I groan with frustration. I really shouldn’t have fallen asleep in here. Lynn pushes his way into the bathroom, his shaggy black hair sticking up in the back and his dark eyes scanning the scene and landing on me. “Why are you in the bathtub?” He asks me with as much confusion as everyone else.

“That’s the mystery of the morning,” Josh tells Lynn from his perch on the toilet.

“Something is obviously wrong with her,” Matthew turns off the water facet and inspects his pearly whites.

“It’s comfortable!” I exclaim.

“You fell asleep drunk last night…didn’t you?” Lynn asks. “I got a text from Jess,” He tells Matthew and Josh.

“I didn’t even hear you come in.” Josh looks surprised. “I didn’t think you could be that quiet.”

“I wasn’t drunk,” I mutter. I have to remember to tell Jess off next time I see her. “Well, I wasn’t that drunk.”

“Then why are you in the bathtub?” Matthew says after spitting out an oral rinse.

“What in the…?” The very confused voice of my fourth and final room mate, Tanner, pulls everyone’s attention to the door. Tanner takes in all of us crammed into the tiny bathroom and shakes his sandy head. “I’ll just go start the coffee…” He nods and leaves us all.

“Coffee sounds good.” I moan.

“If you weren’t that drunk…then why are you in the bathtub?” Josh asks once again.

“Because I live in a house with four men. That’s why.” I snap.

“There is a guy in your room, isn’t there?” Matthew leans against the door frame. Josh and Lynn say ‘ohh’ collectively.

“Yea.” I groan. “I’m sorry.”

“Did you have sex with him?” Lynn asks.

“No,” I huff, “ I didn’t really want him to come home with me, but he was like a damn puppy. I couldn’t just kick him to the curb.”

“Maybe you can’t but, I can.” Josh stands up ready to storm out.

“Hey, hey, hey!” I start but Tanner was already blocking the doorway with a cup of hot coffee.

“I just saw a man jump down from the second floor balcony…” Tanner sips his coffee slowly and looks at me. “What exactly did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything.” I growl.

“I’m pretty sure doing nothing after taking a guy home would piss any guy off.” Lynn scoffs.

“Piss him off enough to jump out the second story window?” Matthew laughs and so does everyone else.

“Screw you guys.” I can’t help but grin with them. “Help me out of this damn tub.” I hold my hand out and Josh takes it.

“Breakfast?” Josh asks.

“What do you want?” I sigh. It’s always best if I act like I don’t like to cook for the four of them.

“Food!” Lynn demands.

“Anything’s alright.” Matthew grins and leads the way out of the bathroom.

“Coffee’s made.” Tanner passes me the cup in his hands.

“You’re a life saver,” I tell him and then yell, “Pancakes in fifteen!”



A 5 Mini Book Review on 5 Not-So-Mini Books

A 5 Mini Book Review on 5 Not-So-Mini Books

I read a lot, that is no lie. I am lucky enough to have a job that allows me to read in my down time and a Books-A-Million close enough so I can raid their ‘Bargain Book’ section on the reg. I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought a book that cost more that 10$, and I think that pretty freaking amazing.

As a result…I read a lot of different genres, and books that a lot of people haven’t picked up because they aren’t properly advertised, or it’s the second book in a series (meh, I’ll still read it), or because of various other reason.

So I’m going to do 5 quick reviews on 5 of my BAM Bargain Book Bin finds (say that five times fast)

17199504-‘The Bone Season’ by Samantha Shannon : Book one of ‘The Bone Season’ books

Genre – Science Fiction & Fantasy

Story Line: Interesting. I really liked the concept of this, even though it took me a LOT of flipping back and forth between the glossary and the story.

Characters: Well, it was hard to relate to the main character, Paige. At least for me. I have a problem with characters who refuse to play ball one second and then they are in mid game the next.

Plot: Confusing. There was always so much going on. I get it…it’s the first book in seven, but I feel like there was just too much too fast and too many strings were being pulled all at once which made it hard to know just what I was supposed to pay attention to.

Romance: Pretty much none, but there are some scenes…but it’s not all about the romance. So that’s a plus.

Mics: I don’t know…The world was amazingly built, but the execution (so far) was messy. It was good enough for me to buy the next book ‘The Mime Order’, but I still haven’t picked up ‘The Song Rising’ yet.

3/5 stars!

IMG_20170307_155718-‘Hollow Bones’ by CJ Lyons: Book three of the ‘Special Agent Caitlyn Terney’ books

Genre – Mystery, Thriller & Suspense

Story Line: Check!: Adventure, action and a little mystery!

Characters: Check! Even though CJ Lyons has written books with these same characters before, you don’t feel left out of the loop. CJ did a fantastic job with the development of the two main characters as well as all of the secondary characters, there wasn’t one person I came across that wasn’t convincing in their motivation and drive.

Plot: No holes here, and happy to know that I wasn’t being roped into a series of books! You can, but it is also a great stand alone action/mystery novel.

Romance: Check! (believable romance! And not too gushy) Sometimes stories can get bogged down in the romance, but this is a action book, and there was a good believable balance.

More accurate science than most ‘science-y’ books : Check, Check, Check! It wasn’t like I was reading a book from Robin Cook…his stuff is getting a little over zealous and over the top. The science and medicine in this book was good. It helps that CJ Lyons is a (as far as I know) practicing MD.

5/5 Stars!

30761916-‘God Save the Queen’ by Kate Locke: Book one of the ‘Immortal Empire’ books.

Genre – Steampunk, Fantasy

Story Line: Interesting alternative universe where vampires and werewolves and trolls and other things live.

Characters: I had zero connection or sympathy for the main character Xandra. She wasn’t very deep…and she whined a lot. Other reviewers seem to like her, but that’s a ‘nah’ from me.

Plot: It’s one of those, ‘I’m the missing princess/queen/hybrid/cure that you’ve all been looking for?!?!’ ::insert shocking gasp here:: Most times I can get behind stories like this, but I don’t think Xandra deserves it.

Romance: I have a problem (and probably always will tbh) with romance where a extremely old immortal falls deeply in love for a ditsy woman in her twenties (or teens).

Mics Thoughts: I bought the book because of the cover art, tbh. I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the book, read a few pages, and then sat it back down and whispered ‘what the fuck?’. It just wasn’t my cup of tea…

2/5 Stars

13771833-‘Unnatural Acts’ by Kevin J. Anderson: Book two of the ‘Dan Shamble, Zombie PI’, series

Genre – Mystery, Humor

Story Line: Zombies? Ghosts? Vampires? Every other thing that was once dead brought back to life and they are now trying to be upstanding members of society? Count me in!

Characters: I really liked all the characters in this book. I feel like they were all well developed (this is the second book after all) and they were all relatable in some way.

Plot: There was a lot of different things going on in this book (it is a PI mystery, ya know) but it was executed wonderfully.

Romance: Adorable. The romance between Dan (a zombie) and his girlfriend Sheyenne (a ghost) is just a small subplot, but I LOVED them.

Mics: Worth the read, you don’t have to read the first of this series to pick up this (or probably any of the other books in the series) it’s a good stand alone.

4/5 Stars

61vzdh9ndcl-_sx328_bo1204203200_-‘The Unexpected Everything’ by Morgan Matson

Genre – YA

Story Line: Summer time shenanigans between junior and senior year. Anyone who had a large group of friends in high school can relate.

Characters: Almost…too many of them. It balanced just at the tipping point of overwhelming, but it was executed well. Morgan Matson did an excellent job portraying the dynamics of group friendship.

Plot: Better than expected. I appreciated the realness of it, not everyone won in the end, and some friendships were torn apart.

Romance: Morgan hit the nail on the head with the teenage obsession thing, but it wasn’t as annoying as some books *cough*theedgeofeverything*cough*. It was a romance that stalled in the beginning and I liked that!

Mics: This book was a ‘I have too many books in my hand so I’m not going to buy this, oh wait who am I kidding, just buy it it’s 4$’ buy. I had passed it up the month before and I’m happy I picked it up this time. Unexpectedly Good.

4/5 Stars

What about you? Read any of these? Or do you have any good bargain book buys that I should be on the look out for? Let me know!



The Ruins: A Dream

The Ruins: A Dream

These ruins are old. Not even the natives know exactly how old they are, they tell me that they’ve just ‘always been there’.
The sun is setting casting everything in a shade of blue and purple and red.
Blood is everywhere. It lays in puddles and spills across the ancient stone where the hunters have gutted and flayed their prey. The skin of strange animals are stretched over racks to dry in the various states of tanning. In the distance I can hear the roar of the hunters ATV’s exploring the surrounding jungle, checking their traps for dinner. Rabbit hopefully, I don’t think I could eat another wild hog. At least not when the head is still attached; it’s eyes vacant in death, it’s mouth open in a final eternal scream.
I hope they trap a rabbit.
A river to the North of the ruins runs East to West and small children from the village south have invaded our camp. I welcome the distraction that the children bring with them. Anything to pull my attention away from the killing and the looming ruins.
We’ve been here for four days, exploring the jungle and camping. The men came for wild game, and I came for ruins, but I never thought I’d find something like this. Large and ominous, the pyramid shaped temple to the old gods, the forgotten gods, reach just above the canopy of the trees to stretch to the heaven it’s depths unexplored by men. I hadn’t gained the courage to shift rock and climb down alone.
The children jump from rock to rock, fling dirt into the fires and skitter away laughing. All of them start to talk almost simultaneously, and some point to the darkening sky and laugh. One of the older villagers looks up then down and shakes his head. ‘Big moon’, he tells me in broken English., ‘we go,’. The children scream and screech with laughter as they disappeared into the bush back to their mothers, back to their elders.
The sound of a tree falling in the distance echos through the air. Birds fly up with screeches and caws.
Something is wrong.
The sounds of the ATV’s have stopped.
The few others in the camp have noticed as well.
And then the screams start. Blood curdling screams. The kind that make your hair stand on end and the skin across the back of your neck tighten. The kind of scream that you feel in the gut of your stomach that spreads through your veins like ice. The kind of scream that when it stops, you know all hell will break loose, so deep down, deep deep down in the very back of your thoughts you hope that the scream never stops. Because when it does you fear that you might be next.
And then it stops.
Silence fills the void and echos through my ears.
Three breaths.
We start running to the back of the ruins where the screams had come from. My feet slip on the stone still slick from blood and I fall. Tangled in a skin that hasn’t yet been washed or dried yet. Slick old blood coats my arms and legs.
Everyone is running in the opposite direction now. Their footsteps like thunder in the distance, their breath like the wind before a storm.
My boots slip in the blood.
My hands clench at the stones of the ruins, my fingernails scraping and bending back. I slip again and my head cracks against the ground. Stars explode in my head and my vision tunnels. The smell of blood is everywhere. And then the sounds of screams. The sounds of flesh being torn, and clothes ripped.
I hear it. It whispers against the back of my skull. Run.
On my feet again. You’ve got to get up, you’ve got to get away.
The sounds of death quiet behind me.
It’s chasing me, I can hear it behind me. It growls like a big cat, it lets out a yip like the hyenas,  it grunts like the antelope, and squeals like the boars. It sounds like everything we’ve ever hunted. It sounds like all the death throes I’ve ever heard.
The ridge to the river canyon stretches before me. I trip but my feet keep moving.
Keep close to the ridge.
Dodge and climb the shining white rocks of the building.
See how they no longer have blood on them?
Run even if you trip.
Run with your hands if you have to.

–Dream circa 2008–

The Curse of Thoughts

The Curse of Thoughts

“I’m up to my ears in unwritten thoughts…” – J.D. Salinger


In the midst of waiting for agent responses for ‘Satan & Shitty Situations: A Modern Girl’s Guide‘ I’ve started writing again. Which explains the lack of activity on this blog…sorry about that.


Everyone has different ways that inspiration comes to them. For some it’s a light-bulb moment that is accompanied by the words ‘EUR-FUCKING-EKA, for other’s it’s situational and depends on external environments, triggers…ect.. For others it’s work, true unadulterated work.

For me…well, I guess it’s all of the above. Writing is work, there is no doubt about that. But when I am inspired, truly fucking inspired by a thought or a story…well that’s different.  The idea starts to wreck havoc.


Sometimes the voices in my head are louder than the voices around me. The scenes, the dialogue, the inspiration… flicker through my head on loop. It’s there within reach, all I can hope to do is watch it enough, listen to it enough, feel it enough times so that when I sit down and put fingers to keys I can do it all justice.


This is the hardest part. Things are always lost in translation. The words get jumbled and the feelings are misunderstood.

So I sit and stare, listening to the conversations. I close my eyes to see them. I wake up in the middle of the night with my head filled with thoughts that I know will not be translated if it’s attempted right then, at two am. It’s like watching the same scene in a movie over and over again enough times that when you look away you can write it exactly.


It’s frustrating to say the least, because it’ll never be as good as it was in my head. Just like how movies are never as good as the book, eventually you just have to learn to lower your expectations.


Because once you do, you might surprise yourself.  Other things will come to light that you couldn’t previously see, or your characters might act a way in which it wasn’t originally planned and that’s the fun of it!

Although when your characters misbehave a *lot* I can feel like Mike Wazoski in Monsters Inc.



But a lot of times, it turns out pretty good in its own way and there are other things you can appreciate about the story that you hadn’t exactly planned. Like HP&The Prisoner of Azkaban’s filmography. Do yourself a favor and watch this Nerdwriter video on why that film adaptation is one of the best.


Happy writing!

The Girl With All The Gifts: A Movie Review!

The Girl With All The Gifts: A Movie Review!

It’s been a while!

So let’s dive into it shall we?

accurate representation of school for most kids

The Girl With All The Gifts, directed by Colm McCarthy, released in the UK 9/23/2016, Rotten Tomatoes score 84%, my score 5 outta 5 stars!

yea boooiiiii

**Spoilers Ahead** So if you are one of those people who have never seen a movie or read a book without peeking at the spoilers first, you’ve been major ones though.

This movie was down right creepy. Not a lot of horror…mind you…but a lot of thought provoking creepy.

It leaves you kinda feeling like this….

To start off you’ve got to have the right ingredients for this type of thoughtful creepy.

You’ve got to have the problem: in this case… zombies aka ‘Hungries’ yo.

same bro

You’ve got to have something potentially creepy: in this case…fucking children man.

no thank you sir! I’m good on cookies

You’ve got to have something to think about: In this movie it’s the questions of Schrodinger Cat.

The answer is, that is’t both alive and dead…

This move has all that, and more!

Instead of a virus creating zombie…or zombie creating virus…what ever…we’ve got FUNGUS! The FUNGUS among us! The FUN-GUY! The…well you get the point. It’s a fungus that works it’s way into the body and creates the ‘Hungries’.

I’m not creeped out…are you creeped out?

Funny enough..things like this actually fucking exist. Fungi are freaking creepy sometimes… check it out it has a wikipedia page and everything and it loves ants…thank god something does (sorry E.O. Wilson).

Anyways, there is more to this movie that.

There’s that god awful Schrodinger’s cat question.

Alive vs Dead…although this movie kind of misses the mark with the whole paradox of the question, but I’ll give it to them for trying. It does make you think though.

In the movie, the children were infected in utero (while in their mah’s bellies) and the fungus moved across the placenta to infect the fetuses. After which the fetuses matured and kind of ate their way out of their mothers.

that ain’t gas Karen…damn

These children were found to be relatively normal in appearance, they could be taught to talk and act normally, they could grow and develop, and for all instances they looked like normal children. Until they smell it.

When you're afraid to acknowledge a buttsneeze because whoever smelt it dealt it - Imgur
we’re looking at you red shirt…

Until they smell humans of course. Apparently the smell of flesh tantalizes the children out of their relaxed human like hibernation like state. And that’s when they start snapping their jaws like they are fucking Xenomorphs…or that Cenobite from Hellraiser that clicks it’s teeth.

This one goes out to my loving husband…Erik! 

So, are the children alive or dead? Are they kids or Hungries? What ever they are… the definitely go cray-cray.

Granted not all of them do, and that’s what brings the whole movie into focus.

When the compound where the ‘Hungries Vaccine’ is being developed get’s over run by Hungries, it’s the struggle of a little girl to *not* be the mindless Hungry that everyone’s told her she is.


All she wants to do is protect her teacher. The only one who has ever been kind to her. She will pretty much do anything to protect her. Obviously, she get’s hungry along the way, but she resorts to eating animals instead (and then goes out like a light on some crazy tripped out psychedelic nap after eating).

There is so much more to this movie…little things…that make the movie what it is. Choices and desperation. Hope and devastation. I don’t want to give it away, because…I really want you to watch this movie.


So…Go watch it!

A Retrospective May

A Retrospective May

May…was not a good month. Don’t get me wrong, there were good points…but as a whole… not so much.


I know things are bad when I find myself reading Camus’ ‘The Stranger’ three times and binge watching ‘Rick & Morty’.


These might not see like bad things to the regular person…but for me…it’s kind of *the* red flag signalling an onset and battle against *dundundunnn* depression.



I hate it.

literally me when I think about everything

Growing up, I was always labeled the ’emotional’ one.  I cried easily. But I didn’t cry in the way that most kids cry…like because they hurt a themselves, or that they were picked on by a sibling, or they didn’t make the track team…or something.


No…I cried when I was *moved* by something. I cried listening to beautiful music, I cried when I saw the starving kids on television, or when there was a particularly moving sermon at church (because seriously…unconditional fucking love? holy hell to a ten year old that amazing).

I cried at these things, and I was teased for it (Fuck teasing!).

So me and my happy little preteen ass is like…’okay no more emotions for you’. And I took all of my emotions and I shoved them into some dark room in my mind and padlocked the fucking door.

me vs my emotions

I still am like this. I lock away everything so well that people who don’t *know* me think that I am pretty laid back and chill.


But inside, it’s pretty tumultuous.


Something happens, there is a trigger in my life that unlocks the padlock door that I’ve had locked up. Depression creeps out and the utter weight of all those repressed emotional responses sit’s it’s fat happy ass right on the ‘freak out about everything‘ button.


My brain: “you aren’t doing enough with your life! you have to much free fucking time! Where do you even belong in the world? WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!?!”

Me:    giphy4

To battle these self deprecating thoughts I watch a lot of cartoons (like Rick & Morty) and gravitate to those stories and philosophies (like ‘The Stranger’) that make me realize that it’s okay that I haven’t realized what the fuck I’m doing with my life yet. It’s okay that some of my dreams haven’t been met, it’s okay that I don’t have control of shit…and that it’s okay to be a little crazy…and that I am just an infinitesimally small dot on a very small speck of dust floating through the universe.

JMwBNK1 - Imgur


I will always miss the time I spent with my grandparents. I will always miss the time I spent with my dog. I will always miss the time I spent in my twenties. But that’s just it…it all revolves around time for me right now. And time (in a humans perspective) is limited and fixed and death and loss is inevitable.

So stop stressing about it. Because when you stress out you miss out. When you miss out, you stress out and so on and so forth.

Come watch TV [Rick and Morty] - Imgur

It’s a cycle.

A rollercoaster.

I’ve hit my depression, and I’ve trudged up the tracks to self realization, and now I’m choosing to be okay.


Update! On Agent queries, requests, and rejections!

Update! On Agent queries, requests, and rejections!

It’s exactly how I always imagined it’d be… *sigh*

Me vs most Lit agencies

So as I laid out in a previous post, I’ve started to query literary agents for my novel ‘Satan & Shitty Situations: A Modern Girl’s Guide’.

3 a week for the last three weeks! And SO MUCH MORE TO COME! So total…that’s nine. Nine agents queries. Only Four I’ve head back from.

Three no thank you’s!3rd2nd

All Feedback is good feedback….right?


And one maybe!

Words cannot describe how super stoked I got!


I know, I know…it’s just a manuscript request…not an actual acceptance, but it’s the little things! Okay? Let me have this!

Things I learned these past weeks.

1- It’s always going to be nerve wracking, just suck it up buttercup.


2- Impostor syndrome is real…you must FIGHT IT!



3- Just keep on doing what your doing…but don’t fuck with what you are submitting!

You might want to jump into the suggestions, or feel like it’s not good enough…I mean it’s being rejected, right?…who cares! Leave your baby alone until ALL the results are in. So until then, start working on something else. Cultivate that *other* project you are working on, *or* make notes of what you MIGHT change…but don’t do it..not yet. Not like this….not while filled with hopelessness.

How To Nod - Imgur

4 – Remember no one hit’s the nail on the head the first time! And that is OKAY! I’m okay, you’re okay, it’s going to be OKAY.